Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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