Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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