Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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