I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
