Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
