we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
