Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
