Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
