life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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