as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
