Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
