Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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