i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
