birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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