So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
