Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Randomize
