I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize