I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
She bit a glass in half.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
