Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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