I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize