I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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