Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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