He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
