Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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