You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
