Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Ketchup is God's man juice
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
