Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
