nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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