My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
