The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
