Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
