I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Why can't burritos get me drunk
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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