why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
i came on her dog
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
