think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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