He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
