I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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