um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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