pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
