Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
