My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
