Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
