Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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