The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize