You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
