I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
