I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I lost the right to judge tonight
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
