Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
