Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
