if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
