Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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