Will you blow on my dice?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
