you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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