I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
