From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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