So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
