I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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