Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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