i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
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