Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
