i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
