just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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