he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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