There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
