some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
