Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
