Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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