Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You can't special order awesome
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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