I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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