Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
