I'll bet she douches with gravy.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
