I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
