this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
