Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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