we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
